So, I had a thing (an epiphany...a light bulb moment) very early this morning, while getting ready for the day, that caused me to have to grab the counter to stop myself from completely buckling at the knees in shock & to have to redo my just applied makeup from the crying that came.
Here's some background...some....airing of dirty laundry if you will....
Some people know that I don't have the greatest relationship with my Mom & very oldest sister. Believe me...it's not entirely a bad thing. I'm a huge advocate for getting "disowned". It's amazingly liberating not to have to bend to demanding & commanding of someone's toxic reasoning.
I have a really wonderful relationship with my other older sister, Veronica, of whom got ousted from "the family" at the same time I did.
We've always said; that the simple ability (of most of the Mothers in our family) to cast their daughters (that's the key word here) aside; must be "genetic". As of right now, we are at 3 generations of women that have done it. #1. My Grandmother (temporarily) disowned my Mother. #2. My Mother (temporarily) disowned my oldest sister...(they are good now), &, as mentioned, Mom has now done it to Veronica & I. #3. The oldest sister has done it to her only daughter.
Geesh...it was hard to admit all that. Did you follow all that stupidity?
So here's what actually knocked the breath out of me in the silence of the early morning dawn...
I only have sons. 4 sons. Will that help me break the cycle that has been repeated over & over.....& over in my family? I pray that that will be the case.
Here's also praying that I get 4 amazing, daughter-in-laws that don't bring out toooooo much crazy in me.
Don't get me wrong...I have felt that welling up of frustration that has made me want to drop a smallish blond boy off on a street corner & just drive away....but that's just my big talk & then the moment passes.
The fact that I have a husband...that my sons have a father....that help keep the potential child ditching in check is an amazing blessing that I have acknowledged numerous times.
Veronica also has that kind of man in her life too....but she also has a daughter, so she is going to have to be extra vigilant so as not to repeat the past.
From my lips to God's ears.
Have you ever uttered the phrase... "How stupid is that person?!?!"
Well....allow me to tell you how stupid I am.
We just signed Chayse (7) & Haiden (9) up for legitimate "beat the crap out of one another classes"......& it was ALLLLL my idea.
Here's the description in the community publication.
"Aikido....is a non-competitive traditional Japanese martial art. Students work in partners or small groups taking advantage of a nurturing yet challenging learning environment. Advancement is through a colored belt ranking system beginning with yellow belt, moving toward black belt. Course objectives include; demonstrating respect, having good manners, showing discipline and having fun."
Bring your can opener.....'cuz we're gonna teach ya how ta open up a can of....well.....you-know-what....on your siblings.
They will not be in the same class (thank goodness), but because they are both beginners they will likely be learning the same things at the same time.
Please believe it was the "demonstrating respect, having good manners & showing discipline" is was caught my attention & what I am trying to achieve.
Wish us luck & feel free to donate to our boy's funeral fund.
I'm investing in a whistle & a black & white striped shirt.....I'll probably need a helmet too right?!