Nearly 12 1/2 years ago, someone said something to me that was said with such conviction, that I had no other choice but to believe that she actually meant what she was saying. I didn't comply with what she said to me, but it was intensely hurtful & I honestly believe intended to be as such. (It sometimes still strikes a sensitive chord if I think on it too long.)
It doesn't matter what was said, but it caused me to consciously stop doing something that most women are really bad for doing.....I worked really hard not to wonder what people meant when they would say things to or about me whether it was positive or negative . To stop "reading between the lines" so to speak.
For so long, it has been liberating not worrying that things mean more, less or different than the words that actually come out of people's mouths. I haven't been bothered to think "Does someone REALLY think THIS or THAT?".......If something was said, that's what was meant.
I am mostly paranoid & fairly skeptical by nature so it has been a difficult balancing act, but worthwhile....& a great blessing.......until now........
I started feeling like I didn't & couldn't trust ANYONE....& I mean ANYONE....even the obvious people that in my heart I know, are NOT out to get me. I felt as though there was some sort of conspiracy that everyone, (except me...of course) was in on, to lead me into some false sense of security.
I tend to receive an overwhelming amount of "compliments" about a wide assortment of things but that hasn't mattered, I've been hearing the exact opposite of what people are saying.
That's the short version of a long & mentally frustrating & exhausting story. So Ta-Da...I blogged.
It's totally not funny & it's not easy right now.....but basically...... You are not trusted!!! No offense.
Christmas in heaven
2 months ago